Approval mindset: How to Kick it in the Balls to Find Peace

Have you ever lived in a hell of your own creation? That is when you know that you have hit rock bottom. This was my teenage years to early twenties. I felt defeated, worthless and alone.

How do I find happiness and overcome this anxiety? I refuse to let my anxiety control me. I hate myself for being so shy and anxious. Isolation seems to be my only solace from the ache in my heart. 

I see a happy crowd around me. Maybe If I be like them, I can be happy too.

Wrong. The anxiety and fear of social interactions intensifies.

I failed to fit in and it crushed my heart. “It’s true. You are a weak, coward and a loser. Why can’t you just get over it and be more social? I’d tell myself”

Female legs and a soccer ball

The Search for Truth Begins

“Struggle is our greatest compass to find lasting peace.”

I’m tired of living the lie of fitting in. This is a pursuit of happiness, not approval. There must be truth out there.

Find the culprit

The approval mindset is the culprit behind my heartache. The approval mindset is like using a band-aid to stop the bleeding of the heart. Happiness comes from within. You don’t gain it through the approval of others. It makes you feel worse about yourself. You lose the confidence in your abilities.

Let go

Letting go of the approval frees your mind and encourages you to search for truth. You find the answers to your struggles. It brings you peace and leads you to living a meaningful life. You will never be good enough by following the crowd. You don’t win a persons acceptance. You gain their respect by remaining true to who you are.

The Master of Deception

It’s greatest weapon of deception is temporary satisfaction. It temps you by giving you small bits of happiness for a while. Then, it rips it from your grasp until your soul is empty of meaning and your identity is non existent.

How to Defeat the Approval mindset

It took me many years to find my enemy and learn how to defeat it. I needed to find a way to relieve the intense anxiety to find contentment and live in peace. I found a battle plan to fight the sly tactics of the approval mindset.

Slay the Dragon of Perception

To find truth we must peel back the perception layer. This is our comfort zone. Our first set of emotions that we want to accept as truth. This is the place where popular opinion influences us the greatest. We must ask ourselves, “Is there truth to this?”

The approval mindset shuts down your creative and critical thinking. Your perceptions become your reality. Facts and history and history no longer matter. Beliefs and values are no longer cherished.

Strong, defined values

I have always had high expectations for myself but there was no room for failure. You cannot meet all the expectations of others. I ran from my values for too long. It was time to embrace them. You can run from your beliefs or you can embrace them. We must challenge our beliefs. It disrupts our comfort levels but It’s essential to our growth as human beings. I believed in temporary satisfaction. Fitting in allows our values to change. This brings you misery. That is why we must rely on you values to find contentment.

Love, honor, and integrity are the values that define who I am. Love is my driving force. I strive to bring people together. You cannot have love without honor and integrity. It is authentic love is what brings lasting happiness to our lives. It brings out the best in us without expectation. Authentic love forms the strongest, intimate connections. We must embrace our differences. We do this by sharing stories and learning from one another.

Challenge #1: List out your top five strongest beliefs. Challenge them in every way possible. Write down the positive and negative aspects of your beliefs. Why do you choose to believe what you believe? Do these beliefs support your strongest held values?


Pretend to be Sherlock Holmes. Don’t accept anything until you understand the facts. Ten minutes of research can enlighten you. Facts are not always wrapped and presented to you with a pretty little bow.


Absorbing the knowledge from history is the best way to uncover the lies people tells us. History is the ultimate lie detector test for the present day. History has a tendency to repeat itself. That is why we must have a firm understanding of history.


Question everything. Question your beliefs, emotions, actions, reasoning, and motivations. You do not need to be conspiracy theorist. When you burn of unanswered questions, than you are on the right track to finding truth.

Challenge #2: Read an article or book from someone you don’t agree with. This is an idea you never cared to look into. What questions come to your mind as you read it? What are the things that you disagree with the strongest? Why? Can you back up your reasoning through facts, history, and values?

What has been your experience been like battling the approval/fit in mindset? Share in the comments.


Writing Declaration: Embrace the Perfect Chaos

I’m overwhelmed by the details, the incomplete memories, structure, and quality. The outline is great right now. Let the story flow and words fill the page. The map won’t be as clear as you want it. The scenes, dialogue, narration, and memories will come together as you complete each draft. It’s time to stop making excuses and finish the first draft.

Paper cutouts of words, letters, and characters
Public Domain Image from Pixabay

Don’t lose sight of your passion for the writing craft. Life is not complete when you are not writing.

It lifts your spirits and brings meaning to your struggles.

You were born to write. Writing allows you to slay the anxiety dragon and maintain your sanity.

Negative mind fields appear when you lose sight of your goals. Nobody said the writing life was easy.

Patience and determination will get me to the finish line.

Give yourself permission to fail. Don’t compare your work to others.

Make deadlines, prioritize your time, and break it down into small chunks.

Embrace the perfect chaos. Put in the work and make it happen.


How Pain from your Past Can Make You a Better Writer

I isolated myself from others out of fear until one experience changed my life forever. Sometimes we let the pain from our pasts determine our future. Until something amazing happens. Our pain transforms us into a better version of ourselves. We become writing warriors and go on to do great things.

Those who have great wisdom must all the more be humble and unassuming, just like the rice stalk that bows under the weight of ripe grain
CC Image by BK

1. A selfless passion

The pain from my past was a burden until I found a way to heal my heart through writing. It taught me that struggle is what unites and connects us. Writing for the passion and to heal helps a great deal. I have a tendency to burn out and procrastinate after awhile. The one method that sparks inspiration the best is writing for a purpose above your self. One simple goal makes your writing soar: help one person. It will breathe new life into your writing.

2. Bits of wisdom

Writing allows you to turn pain into bits of wisdom that can bring positive change to the world. As the pen strikes the page, each word can lift you up and bring meaning to your life. Bad experiences don’t have to hold you back. Writing daily helps you step out of your comfort zone. All experiences have nuggets of wisdom in them. Past experiences put your life and the world into perspective. You learn many valuable lessons.

3. Confidence becomes habit

Maintaining my sanity is a constant battle. My anxiety has a tendency to overwhelm me in life at times. My swarming chaos of thoughts and ideas has a purpose. I’m a fearless writing maniac. The fear and pain became writing confidence through repetition. I’m no longer afraid to express myself or accept a challenge. Nothing can stop me from following my dreams.

4. Expands your mind

Writing daily processes your thoughts and ideas at a deeper level. With every pen stroke, you explore your potential to become a better writer. Problems become solutions and pain transforms into strength and motivation. You make stronger connections with others because pain is universal. You want to help others overcome their obstacles. The key attributes of a great writer are: curiosity, boldness, and open mindedness. Struggle and pain improve these key attributes.

5. Clear and focused

Struggle can break you down to the essence of life’s beauty. Writing to find meaning becomes your driving force in life. Writing allows you to understand how your mind works in sharper detail. You write about what’s in your heart. The more you write, the more powerful your ideas become. The pain fades and the bright shine in your eyes returns.

How have you harnessed the power from the pain of your past? How have the negative become positives in your life?  

Share in the comments.