Approval mindset: How to Kick it in the Balls to Find Peace

Have you ever lived in a hell of your own creation? That is when you know that you have hit rock bottom. This was my teenage years to early twenties. I felt defeated, worthless and alone.

How do I find happiness and overcome this anxiety? I refuse to let my anxiety control me. I hate myself for being so shy and anxious. Isolation seems to be my only solace from the ache in my heart. 

I see a happy crowd around me. Maybe If I be like them, I can be happy too.

Wrong. The anxiety and fear of social interactions intensifies.

I failed to fit in and it crushed my heart. “It’s true. You are a weak, coward and a loser. Why can’t you just get over it and be more social? I’d tell myself”

Female legs and a soccer ball

The Search for Truth Begins

“Struggle is our greatest compass to find lasting peace.”

I’m tired of living the lie of fitting in. This is a pursuit of happiness, not approval. There must be truth out there.

Find the culprit

The approval mindset is the culprit behind my heartache. The approval mindset is like using a band-aid to stop the bleeding of the heart. Happiness comes from within. You don’t gain it through the approval of others. It makes you feel worse about yourself. You lose the confidence in your abilities.

Let go

Letting go of the approval frees your mind and encourages you to search for truth. You find the answers to your struggles. It brings you peace and leads you to living a meaningful life. You will never be good enough by following the crowd. You don’t win a persons acceptance. You gain their respect by remaining true to who you are.

The Master of Deception

It’s greatest weapon of deception is temporary satisfaction. It temps you by giving you small bits of happiness for a while. Then, it rips it from your grasp until your soul is empty of meaning and your identity is non existent.

How to Defeat the Approval mindset

It took me many years to find my enemy and learn how to defeat it. I needed to find a way to relieve the intense anxiety to find contentment and live in peace. I found a battle plan to fight the sly tactics of the approval mindset.

Slay the Dragon of Perception

To find truth we must peel back the perception layer. This is our comfort zone. Our first set of emotions that we want to accept as truth. This is the place where popular opinion influences us the greatest. We must ask ourselves, “Is there truth to this?”

The approval mindset shuts down your creative and critical thinking. Your perceptions become your reality. Facts and history and history no longer matter. Beliefs and values are no longer cherished.

Strong, defined values

I have always had high expectations for myself but there was no room for failure. You cannot meet all the expectations of others. I ran from my values for too long. It was time to embrace them. You can run from your beliefs or you can embrace them. We must challenge our beliefs. It disrupts our comfort levels but It’s essential to our growth as human beings. I believed in temporary satisfaction. Fitting in allows our values to change. This brings you misery. That is why we must rely on you values to find contentment.

Love, honor, and integrity are the values that define who I am. Love is my driving force. I strive to bring people together. You cannot have love without honor and integrity. It is authentic love is what brings lasting happiness to our lives. It brings out the best in us without expectation. Authentic love forms the strongest, intimate connections. We must embrace our differences. We do this by sharing stories and learning from one another.

Challenge #1: List out your top five strongest beliefs. Challenge them in every way possible. Write down the positive and negative aspects of your beliefs. Why do you choose to believe what you believe? Do these beliefs support your strongest held values?

Facts

Pretend to be Sherlock Holmes. Don’t accept anything until you understand the facts. Ten minutes of research can enlighten you. Facts are not always wrapped and presented to you with a pretty little bow.

History

Absorbing the knowledge from history is the best way to uncover the lies people tells us. History is the ultimate lie detector test for the present day. History has a tendency to repeat itself. That is why we must have a firm understanding of history.

Questions

Question everything. Question your beliefs, emotions, actions, reasoning, and motivations. You do not need to be conspiracy theorist. When you burn of unanswered questions, than you are on the right track to finding truth.

Challenge #2: Read an article or book from someone you don’t agree with. This is an idea you never cared to look into. What questions come to your mind as you read it? What are the things that you disagree with the strongest? Why? Can you back up your reasoning through facts, history, and values?

What has been your experience been like battling the approval/fit in mindset? Share in the comments.

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Road to Happiness

My physical limitations became the scope of my sniper rifle to view life as endless blessings.

Before I saw the beauty in life, self-hate led me to a dark, desolate place.

I’m chipping away the excess stone to find the masterpiece within like Michelangelo.

Michelangelo, Moses, from the Tomb of Pope Julius II
CC Image by Richard Mortel

I became the lens of a video camera observing the world without participating. I refused to accept myself and believe in my abilities. I avoided socializing and school events.

I wanted to be one of the dudes and bang lot’s of chicks.

I turned to porn to fill the empty void within my heart and escape from reality.

Watching porn is an exciting ride until the coaster runs off the track into the abyss of addiction.

Junior High: I’m on the library computer to catch up on homework but I’m looking at naked ladies on the Internet instead. I use stealth by rotating the screen because nobody is looking. Think again, you horny bastard!

Pleasure and fantasy is a mask to the truth of porn. The habit brings you temporary satisfaction but you feel worse afterwards.

You end up in a vicious circle and you lose control. The porn imagery ingrains into your mind mind like x-ray vision.

The Big Lies of Pornography:

  • It’s a normal masculine activity
  • It won’t hurt anybody
  • You can quit anytime
  • Sex is more important than love

I’ve taken a stand against my addictions. Sexual obsession tears away at your heart until there is nothing left but a hollow, incomplete core. A surge of freedom and clarity arose from ending the porn fix.

I live by honor, integrity, and love. I cannot live by integrity in the clutches of addiction. Love is the only substance powerful enough to release the radiant glow within my heart.

Love is what fills my heart with joy and brings the beauty to my life. Love is what will complete me when I find a sweet, beautiful, and intelligent woman to spend the rest of my life with.

Exploring the depths of the love in my heart brings me closer to God. I fought becoming closer to Him because it’s not cool to have the Jesus nut label.

My mom introduced me to Jesus Christ as a child but my pursuit of happiness became distorted when I didn’t focus on love.

I will no longer hold back what’s in my heart. I’m going to stay true to myself.

If I deny the love in my heart, I deny who I am and God.

What’s a greater expression of love than God’s Son giving His life for Our Sins?

Here’s what I know:

  • I’m at peace and free from negative energy when my mind focuses on God.
  • My mission is to encourage others to see their struggles as gifts to help others.
  • Love is what gives life meaning by bringing people together.

Are you ready to be courageous leaders by encouraging others to do what’s right and love one another?

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Reader’s Choice #5:Living Life to the Fullest

I received the comment for topic idea, “Why don’t people live every day to the fullest as if it was their last?”

People that don’t live life to the fullest on a daily basis are stuck in a societal vacuum that will suck the life out of you by using your own mind as a weapon against yourself, if you let it win.

Society will tell you that you can never have enough money, possessions, or a big enough house.  They will tell you that you must get a Master’s Degree for the highest paying career, not a career that you are most passionate about.

If you follow society’s rules, you can become successful but it cannot guarantee happiness.  That part is up to individual, you have to believe in yourself, you must open your heart and mind to see clearly, otherwise you can never be happy.

Some people get too wrapped up in the daily grind of life that they lose sight of what is truly important in life; a large portion of that is to focus on passionate endeavors that inspire you, that showcases your talent and abilities, something that sends chills through your spine with enthusiasm and excitement.

Living life and centering your happiness on how significant your paycheck is fighting a never-ending battle because it will only depress you and stress you out.

Of course, you need to put food on the table and a roof over your head but worrying over money shouldn’t take precedence over living in the moment, enjoying the time we have on this planet.

The one thing that many people don’t understand is that happiness is not a pill you can pop, the keys to happiness lies within yourself, it’s a mindset that does not discriminate, anybody has the ability and the opportunity to be happy.

Work together with your family and friends to improve each others’ lives; it is better to improve our relationships with our family and friends than to only focus on our selfish wants and desires.  Family is not about dividing and conquering but unification.

Put aside assumptions about each other and reach out.  Do not wait for the other person to reach out because when you love someone with all your heart, you set aside your pride and put in the effort.  Relationships don’t heal or thrive by waiting for the other person to make the first move.

Do not take for granted the beautiful Gift of Life because the blessings are right in front of us if we take the time to appreciate what we do have.  God wants Us to be happy together as One, which is to unite with family, friends, and humankind.  That is the next ultimate key to happiness.

Join me on this journey to reach true happiness, let’s take a stand against what society says we can or can’t do!  Let’s not accept average; let’s only accept being exceptional human beings!

What are you truly passionate about?  Share in the comments.

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