Approval mindset: How to Kick it in the Balls to Find Peace

Have you ever lived in a hell of your own creation? That is when you know that you have hit rock bottom. This was my teenage years to early twenties. I felt defeated, worthless and alone.

How do I find happiness and overcome this anxiety? I refuse to let my anxiety control me. I hate myself for being so shy and anxious. Isolation seems to be my only solace from the ache in my heart. 

I see a happy crowd around me. Maybe If I be like them, I can be happy too.

Wrong. The anxiety and fear of social interactions intensifies.

I failed to fit in and it crushed my heart. “It’s true. You are a weak, coward and a loser. Why can’t you just get over it and be more social? I’d tell myself”

Female legs and a soccer ball

The Search for Truth Begins

“Struggle is our greatest compass to find lasting peace.”

I’m tired of living the lie of fitting in. This is a pursuit of happiness, not approval. There must be truth out there.

Find the culprit

The approval mindset is the culprit behind my heartache. The approval mindset is like using a band-aid to stop the bleeding of the heart. Happiness comes from within. You don’t gain it through the approval of others. It makes you feel worse about yourself. You lose the confidence in your abilities.

Let go

Letting go of the approval frees your mind and encourages you to search for truth. You find the answers to your struggles. It brings you peace and leads you to living a meaningful life. You will never be good enough by following the crowd. You don’t win a persons acceptance. You gain their respect by remaining true to who you are.

The Master of Deception

It’s greatest weapon of deception is temporary satisfaction. It temps you by giving you small bits of happiness for a while. Then, it rips it from your grasp until your soul is empty of meaning and your identity is non existent.

How to Defeat the Approval mindset

It took me many years to find my enemy and learn how to defeat it. I needed to find a way to relieve the intense anxiety to find contentment and live in peace. I found a battle plan to fight the sly tactics of the approval mindset.

Slay the Dragon of Perception

To find truth we must peel back the perception layer. This is our comfort zone. Our first set of emotions that we want to accept as truth. This is the place where popular opinion influences us the greatest. We must ask ourselves, “Is there truth to this?”

The approval mindset shuts down your creative and critical thinking. Your perceptions become your reality. Facts and history and history no longer matter. Beliefs and values are no longer cherished.

Strong, defined values

I have always had high expectations for myself but there was no room for failure. You cannot meet all the expectations of others. I ran from my values for too long. It was time to embrace them. You can run from your beliefs or you can embrace them. We must challenge our beliefs. It disrupts our comfort levels but It’s essential to our growth as human beings. I believed in temporary satisfaction. Fitting in allows our values to change. This brings you misery. That is why we must rely on you values to find contentment.

Love, honor, and integrity are the values that define who I am. Love is my driving force. I strive to bring people together. You cannot have love without honor and integrity. It is authentic love is what brings lasting happiness to our lives. It brings out the best in us without expectation. Authentic love forms the strongest, intimate connections. We must embrace our differences. We do this by sharing stories and learning from one another.

Challenge #1: List out your top five strongest beliefs. Challenge them in every way possible. Write down the positive and negative aspects of your beliefs. Why do you choose to believe what you believe? Do these beliefs support your strongest held values?

Facts

Pretend to be Sherlock Holmes. Don’t accept anything until you understand the facts. Ten minutes of research can enlighten you. Facts are not always wrapped and presented to you with a pretty little bow.

History

Absorbing the knowledge from history is the best way to uncover the lies people tells us. History is the ultimate lie detector test for the present day. History has a tendency to repeat itself. That is why we must have a firm understanding of history.

Questions

Question everything. Question your beliefs, emotions, actions, reasoning, and motivations. You do not need to be conspiracy theorist. When you burn of unanswered questions, than you are on the right track to finding truth.

Challenge #2: Read an article or book from someone you don’t agree with. This is an idea you never cared to look into. What questions come to your mind as you read it? What are the things that you disagree with the strongest? Why? Can you back up your reasoning through facts, history, and values?

What has been your experience been like battling the approval/fit in mindset? Share in the comments.

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The Catch of the Season

Over the three-day weekend, I caught a fish with one hell of a bite. I had to toss it back like a live grenade. eHarmony matched me with a cute young woman with a pretty smile.

She writes me:

“How you doing? Am Maria new here seeking for a man i can call my own not really sure if you re single? if you re single and seeking for serious relationship kindly drop your email, I dont use to this site if you re interested in me you can also email me here..(she left her email address here).”

I snagged a bottom feeder catfish. They aren’t the smartest fish in the sea. Yes, I know your name is Maria and yes, I know you’re looking for a man. This is an online dating site, that’s the idea!

Catfish by annamariademari
CC Image by mariannaphotography

This is the point where red flags should be flashing before your eyes. Instead, I sent her an email.

Her reply:

“Thanks so much for getting back to me the reason why i am online stuff is because i was hurt and i got heart broken when my ex-finance left me just a week to our wedding which i never expected that while i was there thinking that i had found the right man not knowing he never loved me and that’s why am trying this on-line dating..”

I began to have flashbacks from past catfish experiences. I’ve caught about five or six catfish on eHarmony.

For the most part, online dating has been a pleasant experience for me.

Once in awhile, a catfish will get through the system. Your experiences may vary. Many people have met their spouses through eHarmony and other online dating sites.

The women I’ve met in person and dated from eHarmony haven’t been crazy people. They’ve looked exactly like their pictures they post.

Verifying somebody’s identity online is difficult. You must be careful whom you trust. If you look for the signs and use common sense, online dating can be a good experience. The ease of scamming a person on the Internet is irresistible to a catfish.

The Catfish Pattern 

Unnatural communication. You can tell they use canned responses and their communication is weird. The writing sounds like a ridiculous advertisement. No legitimate woman looking for a relationship or a date writes, “How you doing? Am Maria new here seeking for a man i can call my own not really sure if you re single?”

Move too fast. Catfish will want to communicate with you via email a.s.a.p.

“…if you re interested in me you can also email me here…”

Some women have legitimate reasons to communicate with you outside of the site. They might want to cancel their membership. Be suspicions of matches that give you their email in their first message to you.

Gain sympathy. They make up stories to make you feel sorry for them. They’ll tell you that they’re recovering from a bad breakup or an abusive relationship. They caught their boyfriend cheating on them and are having trouble trusting guys again. Are you that truth worthy guy that will save them?

“Thanks so much for getting back to me the reason why i am online stuff is because i was hurt and i got heart broken when my ex-finance left me just a week to our wedding which i never expected that while i was there thinking that i had found the right man not knowing he never loved me and that’s why am trying this on-line dating..”

Quantity over quality. Catfish will send you a lot of fluffy nonsense in their first email. They will write paragraphs of words that go on for an eternity. It doesn’t sound like you’re having a real conversation.

“I kinda am looking for a funny, loyal, smart, and attractive man. he doesn’t have to be a handsome or rich but that will make me happy either just has to be some kinda spark there.anyway i just wanna let you know that I’m seeking a serious long term relationship and more. Someone special to capture my heart and knows how to handle it with care, one who will cherish me and be willing to share life’s greatest joys and sorrows.”

Horrible English. Their English writing skills are atrocious. A kindergartner would have better spelling and grammar than a catfish. The run on sentences will make your head spin.

“some times people select there love with age as for me i dont believe in age in a relationship all that l want a man that will make me happy so much and make me feel so good and that will be faithful in all things that he told me that will be truthful to me I am actually educated…I kinda been single not long ago. I really haven’t met any men that I really liked I guess.”

Soul mate. Catfish play to your emotions of belonging and connection. They give you the impression that you might be their knight in shining armor and soul mate.

“…I’m looking for for a partner for life..are you the one?? Appearance is not important but more importantly: Are you a loving guy,,,??? I am a person that use to be very shy..A good listener, smart and funny! I’d give the same to the ONE !! Who knows – may be you are my twin-soul? Someone who’s willing to spoil, pamper and love me unconditionally, whom is kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal, sense of humor, loving and wants a lifetime of passion., so only serious inquiries will be accepted.I’m looking for a soul-mate…a best friend for life!”

Money. Catfish will start asking for money after a few email correspondences. They need a plane ticket to get home, money for groceries or an important project. They need extra money to help take care of their relative. If they ask you for money, run!

Have you ever tried online dating websites? If not, would you ever try it if you were single? Do you have any interesting online dating experiences? 

Share in the comments. 

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5 Lessons from Fear the Walking Dead

The new prequel series, “Fear The Walking Dead” has an excellent storyline. Its portrayal of reality is chilling. Compare it to a major widespread disaster and Islamic terrorists like ISIS who’re attempting to bring about the End Times.

Warning: Spoilers Alert!

Know Thy Enemy. Travis still questions whether the zombies are past help. He saw people turning into vicious creatures. He wouldn’t even let his girlfriend, Madison kill their zombie neighbor. People and governments who want violate our civil liberties are the enemy. Guns are not the enemy. They protect our families and civil liberties from evil. The college in Oregon where the recent shooting occurred had one unarmed security guard. A gun could’ve saved ten people. We must name our real enemies, not hide our tails between our legs. When Islamic terrorists are killing thousands of people, I don’t ignore them. Iran chants, “Death to America!” and threatens to annihilate Israel. I take them serious.

Fear the Walking Dead, Fear Begins Here
CC Image by Ewen Roberts

Trust your instincts over your pride. Travis trusts his instincts for once. Nick tells him the story of waking up in a crack house. His girlfriend is chomping on human intestines like a starved animal. Nick wakes up in the hospital, thinking, “Was I high as shit or what?” His mother, Madison and his sister, Alicia thinks he was hallucinating from the drugs. Travis goes to investigate and sees the bloody carnage on the floors. His pride prevents him from taking a weapon. Travis’s cowardice side shines when he refuses to defend himself, as a zombie is about to take a chunk out of his face. The old man, Daniel had to blow the zombie’s head off with a shotgun. Our instincts are useless when we let our ego and emotions make our final decisions.

Think with intelligence before you act. People are seeing the cops shoot unarmed zombies. They start destroying the city while zombies are tearing people apart around them. Zombies love an easy lunch! We’re acting like members of the Living Dead by letting our emotions eat away at your brain like zombies. We must make our decisions using our brains. It needs facts to process information. The heart must be free from hate as well.

Stay informed. The neighbors were celebrating their daughter’s birthday party in their front yard. Do you realize crazed lunatics are on the loose? There is video footage of zombies getting shot by police and not going down. Nobody knows the facts so they think it’s police brutality. We are too comfortable and complacent with our own lives. We need to be aware of the reality of the world, not succumb to isolation and denial. We can’t learn truth by isolating ourselves from different ideas. We must challenge our beliefs daily.

Trust is earned. The military sends in troops to establish safe zones throughout the city. They tell everybody that they’re safe in a war zone of infected. Don’t believe everything you hear. Madison sneaks outside the safe zone. She discovers soldiers in black armed to the teeth with gas masks. Her gut tells her to hide under a car because there might be something else going on. There was a stadium full of zombies and the soldiers realized that they lost control. They abandoned the civilians to fend for themselves. We can’t be giving away trust like fruitcakes on Christmas. Trust is like climbing a mountain. Only time, dedication, and continuous follow through will get you to the top.

Is America going in the right direction or have lost our way? How do you view the present state of America and the world?

Share in the comments.

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